walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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