I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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