if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
