His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
