she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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