Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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