My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
