when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just cropdusted the office
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
