i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
