So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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