uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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