just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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