Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
