her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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