I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
