life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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