I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Boobs are out for the taking
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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