all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
