how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
