don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
