Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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