I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
