can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
