I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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