he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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