Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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