i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
