my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
