Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
