So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
