I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
