I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
