Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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