Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
