you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
