porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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