I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
