Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
