direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
