I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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