First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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