The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
