ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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