Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
