just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
