i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
