If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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