Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
