I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
