What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
