Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
its liver damage thursday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
