Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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