i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
