What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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