I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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