Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Randomize
