Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
