Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
